She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
