Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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