i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
