I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
