Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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