can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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