Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
