Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
