One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
