Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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