why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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