hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
