Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
