The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Two words: nipple clamps
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