and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
