I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
