are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
