Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
