I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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