I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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