My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
