Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
false alarm, still single
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