thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
