problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
a search helicopter?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
