i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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