Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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