After last night, I could never be a politician.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
