got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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