wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize