apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
