i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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