i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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