Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
