It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
