please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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