I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
