she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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