my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
