But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
