I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
