You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
