I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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