It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
