told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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