There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize