he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
worst night to have a conscience
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
