at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
