he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
