i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize