Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
