What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
