My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
