Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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