If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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