I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
