i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dick very happy bro
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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