During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
