I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize