I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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