I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize