i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I could fuck to npr.
I need to calm my uterus...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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