So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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