i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
