I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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