just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize