Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
