He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
