I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
