So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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