i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
