Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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