dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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