I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
