Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
