If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize